Ask Lucia

In this installment of Ask Lucia, a beautiful cougar wonders if she and her cub can make a real relationship or "if we are destined to be just a fling."

Got your own question for Lucia, ask her now at askanexpert@urbancougar.com.




Hi Lucia,

I'm 59, attractive and look 10-15 younger than my years. I was not looking to become a cougar, but a man 22 years younger than me pursued me until I could no longer resist him. Now, six months into our courtship, he wants us to move in together and start building a lasting relationship.

We do not depend on each other financially.  We share a real emotional bond and have a wonderful, highly charged intimate life. He is not only a take charge, Alpha male, but he is very handsome and has a great following of young women who would love to be with him. He however, says that in his 37 years, he has not found with anyone else what he has found in me. He already has a child and is adamant that he does not want anymore.

I've never heard of a relationship like ours.   Although we no longer even discuss our chronological difference, I can't help but wonder if a long term relationship is really possible, or if we are destined to be just a fling.

What do you think?


Lucky Lioness


Dear Lucky Lioness,

You are indeed lucky to have found what sounds like a great relationship.  Why ruin it with doubts and fears?   He is the one who pursued you and now wants to move in, so it’s not like you’ve had to chase him and try to pin him down.

However, my advice about the living together is the same as it would be for anyone of any age.  6 months is too short a time to know someone before moving in.  You don’t know enough about each other (you haven’t gone through the “four seasons”) and you’re still high on the newness of the relationship.  I would suggest you wait at least another 6 months and revisit the question then.

Having said that, I have to tell you that I really don’t believe in living together.  It sounds great in theory, but the reality of everyday life slowly kills the romance.  If you’re both financially independent, why live together?  You can certainly see each other as often as you want to, but it’s nice to have a place you can go back to that you can call your own.



About Lucia
Lucia is urbancougar.com's resident expert on cougar-cub relationships. To ask her a question, contact her at askanexpert@urbancougar.com.

Host of the popular L.A. radio show, “The Art of Love” and a syndicated advice columnist, Lucia is a renowned cougar relationship expert and former Urbancougar of the Month. She has shared her wisdom on countless radio and television programs including The Tyra Banks Show, E! Entertainment, The KTLA Morning Show, and Playboy Radio. Her book, Lucia’s Lessons in Love, is available for purchase here.